A Sad Story...

I know I always Gush about how Thankful I am for my kids, Well this post is no exception. I have been reading a blog of a couple that I went to Highschool with. I am not good friends with them, but a girl I work with is, and has been keeping me updated on whats been going on in there lives. They had tried to have a baby for quite a few years. The dad has had quite a few health problems. They finally had a cute baby boy on Sept. 5, 2008. Which is 1 day before my sweet Dax was born. ( Which is maybe why this is hitting me so hard!) While she was pregnant, she found out her baby would be born with Congenital Heart Defect. They were absolutely devastated, but determined to do whatever for there sweet little boy. He has had numerous surgeries over the last and first 11 months of his little life. Along with those he has had many infections, complications, unexplained illnesses, several times of turning blue and unable to breath and many times he was put under paralytics for different reasons- some simply to soothe him. This little boy has only spent WEEKS of his life at home with his mom and dad, and that was only made possible due to the make shift ICU they had set up and because his mom is a nurse. Yet every picture they had posted was of a super chunky, absolutely adorable little boy full of smiles. You didn't even notice all the breathing and feeding tubes coming from him or the trademark scar covering his entire little chest. I couldn't help but smile, and get drawn in to him. He and his mom recently flew to another state to see if, hopefully, they were eligible for a heart and lung surgery. They were quaratined for a little bit while they were doing all sorts of tests. The mom on her blog said she felt like he had not "told" them he was done with this life, or ready to go home and enjoy the rest of whatever precious time he had left. This is why they chose to keep doing all these tests and surgeries.
This Sweet baby boy passed away The middle part of last week. He succumbed to his inevitable fate at 11 months and 4 days old. His mom was there with him, as she had been for all but a few hours of his life. She had given up her nursing job to spend every minute with her little angel.

I do not know all the details of this disorder, nor do I understand why things like this happen, especially to the most perfect beings on this earth. I could not even imagine for a second how it would feel to be in there shoes. All I do know is that my heart is aching for there loss, and my mind won't stop thinkin of them. I know some people that have been in similiar situations, and I have always looked upon them as super heros for the strength they portrayed while dealing with their reality. I am positive they were dying inside. I have thought of them as "chosen" People of extreme strength, because I am certain I would simply crumple up and cease to function. I am sorry that this post is a bit of a Downer, but it has been weighing very heavy on me, and I just want to Make one last (ok I'm sure it wont be the last) Shout out to The gratitude that I have for my kids. I have been hugging them a little bit tighter lately. I am SO grateful that devastating health issues, especially fatal ones, have not been a common appearance among the majority of children that I have met and come to love throughout my life.
Here is a poem that I really liked that she had posted on her blog.

The Day I Became A Heart Mom

One day my world came crashing down, I'll never be the same.
They told me that my child was sick. I thought "am I to blame?"
I don't think I can handle this. I am really not that strong.
It seemed my heart was breaking. I have loved him for so long.
I will not give up on this child. I will listen to your advice.
I will give my child any chance. No matter what the price.
I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.
I'll even use that feeding tube. My child must survive!
Will he need a lot of therapy? Will he gain the needed weight?
Please God help me to do this. I will accept our fate.
When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.
How many parents would love that sound. Tomorrow I will be kinder.
As another angel earns his wings, I run to my child's bed.
I watch him sleep for quite a while. I bend down and kiss his head.
I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken. I look to you wondering why?
Oh lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.
And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.
My mind says savor each moment he's here, but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"
From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed..
From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.
From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.
With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.
For all who see that faded line, I look to them and smile.
You see my child is loved so much, I would face any trial.
That scar I trace with my finger (it's the door to his beautiful heart),
God must have known how much I'd love him (just as He loved him from the start)
A heart mom is always a heart mom, now wise beyond her years.
For those who have angels in heaven, our hearts share in all your tears.
Every day I will try and remember, I was chosen for him (and no other)
I will always embrace that beautiful day.....when I became a "Heart Mother"
----Author Unknown